We spent a really nice day together. Wandered around a RV show very companionably and then to have a very nice lunch. We watched a movie this evening and then he started to talk.
Talking is not necessarily a good thing. Again he started in about his pain, his shame, his insecurities. When he started in about the virtual affair, I cut him off. I told him I really didn’t want to talk about it, but he pushed on. How self-centered can one person be? I started to cry and then he was all beating himself up for making me cry. I’m so sick of this BS. Cuz you know it’s all about him.
What a jerk he is. How damaged he is. His pain. The list goes on ad nauseam. And you know I’m supposed to make him feel better, ease his burden.
When I started to tell him about my pain and anguish, guess what he said? I don’t want to talk about this. I quietly left the room. Nothing has changed. It looked promising, just a tiny ray of sun and now? Nothing, back to the start.
I feel as if I’m beating a dead horse. Maybe I am. At the moment I don’t know if I want to keep going to counseling. If it’s all about him, perhaps he should go by himself.
In the mean time I’ll keep taking steps to create the life I want. With or without him. As scary as being by myself sounds, it looks a lot less painful.