I’ve been patient for so long. Hoping, praying, prodding for my husband to come around my patience has come to an end.
Now he needs more time. I’m home from the family emergency and I think he finally gets it. The problem is I’m not sure I want to get sucked back in. It’s so easy to do. He smiles and holds me tight and my heart thrills. Maybe this time he’s serious.
And if he isn’t? I’ll be heart broken all over again. Is this really worth the possibility?
When we got married a billion years ago it was with the understanding that divorce wasn’t an option. The ‘D’ word was forbidden from our vocabulary and so it has been. Given the social currents it seems an odd thing to up hold but we both have.
Even with everything that’s going on I’ve only spoke of leaving. I’ve thought of divorce or at very least being estranged for an undetermined amount of time. I’ve had my babies. Getting married again holds no appeal. This could change, at present it’s not something I see as even necessary.
He knows when my patience are gone it’s the end of them. He says it frightens him. So why didn’t you snap to attention before?
I’m gun shy and completely confused. People wish their children came with handbooks? How about one for marriage?
Not the fix it stuff or the wishy-washy, lovey-dovey ones. A manual. If A then B. Unfortunately marriages are like babies; there isn’t a single one alike.
Here I am, no closer to an answer than I was a month ago. We resume counseling next week. My best friend tells me to give it a fighting chance as it saved her marriage. Hope really is a cruel thing.