The name of this blog didn’t seem to fit. My husband and I have made a new start. And that seems to be the point.
This is a different marriage.
I still can’t wear my first wedding ring. The thought rather makes me ill. That marriage fell apart in a slow drawn out process. I saw it and refused to believe. I found reasons to stay, until there weren’t any. The incoming tide washed our castle away. As it crumbled we raised our kids and pretended it wasn’t happening with every lap of the tide.
When I started this blog, I had no idea where we were going. I did know I couldn’t do it anymore. See house with chain link fence (I hate painting fences) the dogs, cats, grandchildren running in the yard. It looked close to perfect I suppose. Curb appeal with no real structure to support it.
Last Valentine’s Day all I wanted was to be away from my husband. The poor sot was making an effort, in all the wrong directions. Me? I had no idea what to say to him anymore. We spoke different languages. Venus and Mars. I wasn’t even allowing him to touch me beyond a hug. How very smashed I was.
This year? We’ve started work on a new marriage. We both seem to understand how fragile, and precious a marriage is. Rather like a newborn infant. Marriage takes constant attention, nurturing and above all mutual respect. Perhaps this time we won’t get so wrapped up in life we forget to take care of us. Really, take care of us.
This morning, on my way home from work, I was hoping I didn’t miss him. That he hadn’t left for work before I got home. I just wanted to see and hold him. So, very, different from last year.
I’m not smashed, not totally inflated yet, but not smashed. And god it feels so much better here than it was there. Here there is hope. Something I thought had abandoned me. I’m so glad I gathered the nerve to walk out into the unknown. I didn’t know this is where I would be. I just knew I couldn’t be there anymore.
It’s good to be on this side.
After 14 years of marriage, I realize how broken it is. Having a rough day…most days. Came across this and it gave me hope, and mist importantly; made me smile. I love your writting style and delivery! I just want to thank you for sharing. I will pray for you. Is Feb the last post? How are things going?
I’m so glad my words could lighten your heart. We are doing well for the most part. There is still work to be done, but nothing like it was when I started this blog. God’s Speed.
I just came across this in my searches for answers. My wife and I have been separated fr over a year. throughout the first 10 months however we were a married couple. Then she turned a new leaf and decided she did not want to be together. Stated we were not married. And now she goes out, to the gym, and it drives me nuts that she just threw me to the curb. We were supposed to go for concealing together in december and she changed her mind due to me spying on her. Is there hope? I am holding on to it. But I just don’t know. I can only hope we can find each other again.
I wish I had answers for you. If I were in your position, I’d be shopping for lawyers. Sorry, I know how much this must hurt.
This was a quiet, inspiring blog and I’m so glad I stumbled upon it. I do hope you are still faring well on the other side.
We are, thank you.